Ancient Cannibalism: Little Improvement in British Cooking Over Past 800,000 Years

Long the punchline in more than a few  jokes over the years, archaeologists have announced the discovery of the original haute cuisine of English gastronomy—human flesh, as reported by the Mirror of London, UK on Feb. 8, 2014.

British scientists have uncovered evidence of human habitation in the southeast of Britain dating back almost a million years by a species known to the world as Homo Antecessor or Pioneer Man.

With various traditional menu items sporting gag-worthy and epidemiologically sounding taste treats such as Toad in the Hole, Spotted Dick, Jellied Eels and the ever popular Blood Pudding, ancient Brits also feasted on hyenas, woolly mammoths, as well as hippos fished out of the Thames River.

Yet it turns out that the forerunner of revolting pub food may have been fricasseed pre-pubescent Homo Antecessor.

The original sophisticated English gentleman.
The original sophisticated English gentleman.


As Professor Chris Stringer of London’s Natural History Museum stated:

There is evidence of cannibalism among Pioneer Man from another 800,000-year-old site, Atapuerca in Spain.

Even an eight-year-old child’s remains there show butchery marks.

Not quite done creeping everyone out, Doctor Stringer went on to say:

They may have done it in desperation or it may have had more sinister motives.

It is known that more modern groups have eaten relatives’ remains to consume their kin’s knowledge and courage.