Biggest Sellouts in the History of Rock and Roll

I’m just glad Jim Morrison died when he did.
I don’t think I could have survived a Doors disco song.

Just to set the record straight, Rock and Roll died sometime in the mid-to-late seventies. Sure, there have been a few valid attempts to resuscitate the old girl (hat tip to the Foo Fighters), but for the most part, in the words of Pete Townshend, “Rock is dead.”

To those who experienced their formidable years in the 80s, 90s and Double Oughts, sorry… synths and androgyny, grunge and body odor, and whining millennials (respectively) doesn’t count as Rock and Roll.

Anyhow, on with the show.

Puff Daddy Sean Puffy Rodham Clinton Combs (or whatever the hell his name is) saddled-up with Led Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page in a laughable mashup of Goofy-Poofy’s “Come With Me” and Zep’s “Kashmir”.

Looks like Page got his 30 pieces of silver.

Ever since ex-lead singer Tom Johnson left the Doobie Brothers, and the band brought on Michael McDonald, they went from playing Hell’s Angels bars in Oakland to Yamo be there.

They’ve sucked mightily ever since.

George Harrison’s “Set On You” was so sugary sweet, I almost became diabetic by just watching it.

How could you, George?

I’m not sure if Zeppelin’s “Fool in the Rain” was meant to be a pop song or a dance song.

In either case, it still makes me want to shove ice-picks into my eardrums.

Aerosmith whored themselves out to Run-DMC’s version of “Walk This Way”.

It was painfully obvious to everyone (except Tyler and the boys) that Simmons, McDaniels, and Mizell spent the entire video sneering not only at Aerosmith themselves as a band, but also at everything that Aerosmith use to stand for.

Ex-gravedigger Rod Stewart should have returned to his old profession when he quit singing songs like “Stay With Me”, then made the jump to disco and his uber-shitty “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?”

Gravedigger, bury thyself.

Before guitarist Terry Kath passed away, Chicago still had street cred as a great band.

But with the passing of Kath, Chicago degraded themselves to becoming nothing more than Air Supply with horns.

What made the Electric Light Orchestra something special was Jeff Lynne’s concept albums and of course, the strings.

When ELO dumped the string section, much like Chicago and the Doobie Brothers before them, ELO unleashed upon the world this gold-plated turd.

Undoubtedly the greatest sellouts ever in the entire history of Rock and Roll has got to be Kiss.

The band that went from making Rock anthems to this disco-bortion.