BLM Leader Sues Catholic, Orthodox Churches Because Jesus Wasn’t Black

Image of the Shroud of Turin, along with artistic versions of what Jesus may have looked like.

First things first… can we all agree that Jesus was ethnically a Judean? Of course He was.

Common sense and Sacred Writ both dictate that Jesus wasn’t German, Mexican, Ethiopian, or Japanese. He is as He was born, a Judean, period.

Nonetheless, various cultures have often times in the history of Christianity depicted the Holy Family as members of their own particular ethnicity.

For centuries, many a missionary have agreed that if depicting the Blessed Mother embracing the Infant Jesus as a Navajo or Laziale or Yoruba helped those same people better relate to the Madonna and Holy Child, then all the better.

Various images of the Holy Mother and the Baby Jesus; Renaissance Western European, 1800s Central American, Early Church Ethiopian, and classical Japanese.

But with all that Church history aside, one of the head honchoes of the BLM movement, Shaka Afrika X (born: Reginald “Reggie” Driggers of Yemassee, South Carolina) has filed a federal lawsuit against not only against the Roman Pontiff, but also against the Patriarch of Constantinople.

Mr. X’s complaint? That both Eastern and Western Christendom never correctly portrayed Jesus, as X claims, as a Sub-Saharan Black African.

Possibly taking his cue from professional fake-black guy and fulltime grifter, Shaun King’s rather provocative tweet calling for the destruction of any statues/depictions of the Holy Family as European.

In an interview with the Picayune Intelligencer, X correctly notes that during the Third Council of Carthage (Canon XXIV, pages 649-650) held in 397 AD, Church leaders from throughout the Christian world definitively placed into canon which Sacred Scriptures are indeed the Inspired Word of God, and what isn’t.

Prior to Carthage, there were literally dozens of “gospels” and scores of other “epistles” that may have been well intentioned, but certainly not the Inspired by God, as believed by nearly all who profess themselves as Christians.

But back to Mr. X. He blames both the Catholic Pope and the Orthodox Patriarch (who officially separated in the 11th century) for “perpetuating the myth that Jesus what white.”

X also erroneously cited the Apocalypse of St. John as stating that “Jesus had hair like white wool, and His skin was like polished brass.”

In actuality, the Apocalypse of St John (Revelation) 1:14-15 clearly states, “And His head and His hairs were white, as white wool, and as snow… And His feet like unto fine brass, as in a burning furnace…”

Regardless, X held his ground. Pointing to the Gospels (although he didn’t know which one) X cited the genealogy of Jesus (Luke 3: 23-38);

“Shit, man… just look at the ancestors of Jesus. Look at them names, ‘Malaleel, Aminadab, Zorobabel, Eliakim.’ Shit, man. You know there’s gotta be a brutha in there somewhere.”

“Besides, I gotta cousin named Eli-Akim, but we calls him ‘Chewkee.’ Shit, man, he got shot in the groins a coupla years back. Lost one of his testimacles, but he’s aii-ght now.”

If you believe this article is way too farfetched to be true, you’re right. This is completely satire, but just barely.