Football phallic formation’s faux-fellatio results in fine for forlorn faculty

youtubebandAs every Star Trek fan will tell you, The starship USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) has gone up against the likes of the Klingons; the Romulans; the Ferengi; the Cardassians; William Shatner’s spoken word version of Rocket Man, just to name a few (The Shat-Man’s performance can be painFootball phallic formation’s faux-fellatio results in fine for forlorn facultyfully viewed here).

But between the likes of the hard turtle shell-headed Klingons, and über-sexy green-skinned dancing girls tempting the never too choosy Captain Kirk, Trekkies and Trekkers finally put aside their East Coast – West Coast-esque feud to agree that Scotty’s baby has never had to arm photon torpedoes against a giant Jayhawk, Kansas or otherwise.

Nevertheless, as reported by Luke Kerr-Dineen of USA TODAY on Sept. 9, 2015, and also by Michael Harthorne of the new media portal Newser.com on Sept. 8, 2015, the Kansas State University’s (KSU) marching half-times festivities in a football game against the University of South Dakota went wrong. Very wrong.

In an attempted swipe at interstate rival University of Kansas turns out to be an idea that should have been sterilized while still on the drawing board. What was suppose to be band members forming on the field the image of the Enterprise attacking the hated Kansas Jayhawk, more than a few instead saw in their mind’s eye a duck at the receiving end of a very strange sexual assault.

In today’s politically correct climate on campi for coast-to-coast, KSU has taken a what could be seen as the school’s head honcho premature expatiation. With the Big 12 Conference threatening to do a variant of what the Enterprise appeared to have done to the did to the duck, it was revealed that the Manhattan, Kansas school could be slammed for possible violations for sportsmanship and ethical conduct.

Without waiting for explicit verbal consent from the Big 12 to continue, KSU President Kirk Schulz announced that his school will fine themselves $5,000 for violating the league’s sportsmanship policy. Not done flagellating himself, Schultz suspended KSU’s Director of Bands, Frank Tracz for a period of one week.

Seen as taking one for the team, Tracz took to social media to tweet his mea culpa. Even though the band boss claims there was never any premeditated malice nor wantonly scheming to form any parade ground pornography, Tracz apologized to anyone “offended by our halftime performance”.

In the meantime, KSU did receive support from both a Hollywood star and also from someone a little closer to Earth. As the original Captain James Tiberius Kirk himself, James Shater, sent via Twitter of those who took offense, “I wonder if Mother Nature needs to apologize for cloud formations with these same people?” While Kansas City, Missouri television station KCTV5 noted, the Lawrence Journal World sports editor Tom Keegan plainly stated of the band, “Maybe they’re so nerdy they didn’t realize how it looked.”