Joe Biden’s Gibberish, Breaks Land Speed Records for ‘Ums’

Whose turn is it to milk the shovels with the Silver Star medal?

This may seem hard-hearted of me, but in a recent interview with the official ass-kisser to the stars James Cordon, Joe Biden’s alleged pulling-at-the-heartstrings emotional moment was about as spontaneous as a Marine Corps platoon-sized ambush, complete with a daisy chain of Claymore mines, air strikes, artillery support, harsh language, rocks, well-placed heat tabs, all followed up with a small scale deployment of nuclear weapons.

During the course of this entirely spontaneous and not staged interview, Biden spontaneously started showing photos from the course of his life.

Interestingly enough, Biden just so happened to have handy a rather bulky framed photo that had to be lugged downstairs to his basement TV studio/bunker. Like I said, entirely spontaneous and not staged.

I have so many incredible, incredible, incredible pictures. Including one here that may be too heavy to lift up *grunt*. It’s a picture of me and my two boys when they were in high school, when they were in college. I don’t know if you can see that [overtalk with Cordon].

And that’s, that’s… I, I.. had that hangin’ in my bedroom. And, uh, my oh, uh… you know, I really, uh, I’m really lucky. I, uh… my, um, I’m really lucky that… (spontaneously gets choked-up right on cue) … great kids.

Oh, I was fortunate, fortunate… and, uh… anyway, I wish, uh, everyone else good health and, uh, thank you for takin’ the time to be with me and, uh, [overtalk with Cordon] blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit… (spontaneously gets teary-eyed right on cue).