My Hillary Themed Super Bowl Party

Are you going to pig-out on Super Bowl Sunday?
So you’re going to pig-out on Super Bowl Sunday?

As everyone on the entire planet knows, today is Super Bowl Sunday.

Much like almost everyone else on the planet, I’m throwing my own Super Bowl party.

Ahh, but my super blow-out will be Hillarrific, and if you follow my painfully simple steps, yours will be too.

Getting Psyched Waaaaaay Before the Game

I once read that with the exception of Thanksgiving, the day where Americans suck down the most chow is … wait for it … Super Bowl Sunday.

With that said, the ground beef for the grande pot of chili as well as the extra-large pack of wings are almost thawed out.

So when my family doctor asks me why I packed on the pounds, I’m going to Hillary him: “What difference does it make?”

Pre-Game Prep

If I learned anything in the Marine Corps, it’s that the best defense is a good offense.

So before the party kicks off, get in a work-out.

But keeping in the spirit of the party, when you do hit the bricks ensure you run just as much as Hillary claims her daughter did around the World Trade Center when the terrorists attacked on 9/11.

First Half Hammering

Timing is everything. The first thirty minutes of play is for drinking, and drinking only.

Yet again, this happens to be a HSBP, so keep your getting plowed Hillary-centric.

Plenty of vino in the house … only problem is that the only corkscrew handy is the same type The Hilldabeast used when she landed in Bosnia.

I could just smash the neck of the bottle against the counter-top and swill it down Klingon-style, but I’m saving my Kapla-lebration for my Veteran’s Day BBQ.

Damn the Calorie Count, Full Steam Ahead

OK, half time is over, and yes, Bruno Mars sucked.

So now we eat, but in light I’ve already used the WDDIM reference, to use it again would not only be redundant, but kind of a Hail Mary pass at further yucks.

So now I fall back on the oft-used Hillary/KFC joke — fat thighs, barely any breasts, nothing but left wings, wonk wonk wonk.

But for today and today only, ensure the yard bird has wrinkled skin … lots and lots of wrinkled skin.

Oh, and before deep fry it — slap on double the coating.

No, make that triple.