Reasons to release terrorists: Run a milk and honey farm, take up yoga

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev can attest to the public sympathy one can garnered by flashing a swarthy smile and sporting a scraggly beard. Guantanamo Bay detainee Mahmud Abd al-Aziz Abd al-Wali al-Mujahid very well may have caught on to his fellow jihadists strategy to cull public support from wide-eyed teeny boppers, or then again, maybe it was word leaking out that he just wants to go home to run a milk and honey farm. As made public by The Washington Times on June 9, 2014, and The New York Post on June 7, 2014, the wherefores and the whys of emptying the Caribbean hoosegow are now starting to look less like a realistic foreign policy of the United States government. and more like the plots to the Hallmark Channel’s made-for-tv movies.

According to something called the Periodic Review Board, of the 149 detainees still residing at the Gitmo Naval Base, 78 have been cleared by the Board for release. According to government documents,  even more hearings are scheduled for later this summer. As cited, the reasoning is resulting in both the raising of eyebrows and rolling of eyes.

Al-Mujahid, 33, has been tagged as one of Usama bin Laden’s former bodyguards, but the Board cites that the al-Qaeda version of a Secret Service agent has turned over a new leaf. Instead of wanting to safeguard those who plan the slaughter of thousands of Americans, the terrorist now just wants to go home to his native Yemen to “own and operate a ‘milk and honey farm.'”¬†Not alone, 33-year-old Ali Ahmad al-Razihi, one of the particularly viscous Taliban “Dirty Thirty” vowed he just wants to go back to his native Yemen to work on his family’s fruit and vegetable farm.

Possibly the most head-scratching rationale given was that regarding Ghaleb Nasser al-Bihani, 35. As relayed to the Periodic Review Board al-Bihani swears he’s not only read the biographies of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and the Dalai Lama, he also is most desirous of just living “an ordinary life.” Noted as a “troublemaker at Gitmo” intelligence reports cite that he has and still harbors “ill intentions to the U.S.”

Other than al-Bihani “almost certainly” being an al-Qaeda member, the terrorist strongman “also says he is now a regular yoga practitioner who only wants to start and raise a family.”

Ali Ahmad al-Razihi currently wanted by the United Nations Human Rights Tribunal for his part in butchering thousands of Shia Muslims, one of the Gitmo Five, Mullah Noorullah Noori has already vowed to return to the battlefield in his fight to wage war against America.