Snowflake Univ Issues Hockey Pucks to Fight Possible School Shooters

In the never-ending parade of absurd neo-lib nuttiness, an institute for higher learning in the Wolverine State will be arming teachers and staff in case of a crazed shooter scenario.

However, the goombas calling the shots as Oakland University in suburban Detroit won’t be issuing handguns, long guns, flame throwers, Claymore mines, or even Claymore swords.

No, these geniuses will be handing out nearly a thousand hockey pucks to OU professors.

To add to the overall stupidity of this decision, the Chief of Police for OU approves of fighting firearms with a half-pound of Vulcanized rubber.

Hockey been berry, berry bad to Chico Escuela Terry Sawchuck.

As reported by Breitbart.com;

Faculty members at Oakland University in suburban Detroit have received hockey pucks and are being trained to use them to potentially thwart active shooters.

WDIV-TV reports the American Association of University Professors distributed pucks to its 800 members.

University Police Chief Mark Gordon says to fight effectively, faculty and students need to be prepared to throw heavy objects that will cause a distraction. Gordon says pucks fit the bill and can conveniently be carried in brief cases or backpacks.

The faculty union also is working with student groups to distribute an additional 1,700 pucks to students.

While a .45 caliber round travels at 850 feet per second (579.5 mph), a hockey puck slung by a standard nerdlinger professor might crack 73 fps (50 mph), or 28 fps (20 mph) if you throw like a girl.

At worse, a flung hockey puck may result in a few missing teeth.

However, a .45 round between the running lights will ensure the entire back-half of your noggin is no longer present.