(WATCH) Thanks, Grandma: Feds Bust Bomb-Throwing Portland Teen – Grandmother Accidentally Outed Him

The Sweetheart of Cellblock 4?

Poor Gabriel Agard-Berryhill. I almost feel sorry for the little bastard.

The 18-year-old Portlander was just nabbed by the US Marshals Service (USMS) for slinging an IED at the federal courthouse in Oregon’s largest city. In the video below, Agard-Berryhill can be seen literally jumping for joy after the explosion at the Hatfield Federal Courthouse.

But like I said, I almost feel sorry for him. But not quite enough knowing that he could have killed or wounded federal law enforcement officials due to his shenanigans. No way in hell do I fell sorry for him for that.

Nor do I feel sorry for him knowing that if convicted, he faces a minimum of a mandatory five-year prison stretch (maximum of 20). Face it, by the time the lifers get done with his ass (literally), his farts will sound like the winds blowing through the Carlsbad Caverns. Nope. No pity from me over that.

The reason why I almost feel bad for this little shit is because of the actions of his own beloved grandmother.

Yep. Due to Grammie’s glowing online review of the body armor she purchased for this piss ant, that was the final clue the USMS and the ATF needed to snag him up.

As noted in a press release from the DoJ’s United States Attorney’s Office – Oregon District (emphasis mine);

U.S. Attorney Billy J. Williams announced today that Gabriel Agard-Berryhill, 18, has been charged by criminal complaint with using fire to maliciously damage the Mark O. Hatfield U.S. Courthouse in downtown Portland on July 28, 2020.

“No legitimate protest message is advanced by throwing a large explosive device against a government building. Mr. Agard-Berryhill’s actions could have gravely injured law enforcement officers positioned near the courthouse, other protesters standing nearby, or himself,” said U.S. Attorney Williams. “I applaud the ATF agents and U.S. Marshals Service deputies who worked quickly to identify Mr. Agard-Berryhill before he had an opportunity to hurt others.

ATF investigators reviewed social media posts from the night of the explosion and located videos of the incendiary object being thrown. The individual depicted throwing the object, later identified to be Agard-Berryhill, was a young, Caucasian male wearing a green colored vest, camouflage pants, and a mask. Investigators observed the person in other protest-related videos posted online wearing the same vest and attempting to hold a shield in front of a naked woman.

Investigators also found a post on Twitter depicting a product review for the vest. The review included a photo of a person wearing the vest who matched the description of the person seen throwing the explosive device. The review states “I got this [vest] for my grandson who’s a protestor [sic] downtown, he uses it every night and says its [sic] does the job.” Investigators later found the same photo on a Facebook page and, using law enforcement databases, were able to positively identify Agard-Berryhill.

In another interesting note, when taken into custody, Agard-Berryhill really should have kept his mouth shut. Instead, this entitled brat spun quite the tale for the investigators… all on the record.

The Oregonian is reporting (emphasis mine);

Agard-Berryhill told federal officers that an unknown man in a ski mask handed him what he thought was a spinner-type firework that would rotate with varied colors when lit.

Agard-Berryhill said he was going to light it and throw it in the area of Southwest Third Avenue, but others told him that some people in the crowd have post-traumatic stress from tear gas launched by federal officers and directed him instead to throw it over the fence toward the courthouse.

He admitted he lit the device, described as the size of a piece of chalk, and threw it over the fence, according to Amanda Johnson, an agent with the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.

Agard-Berryhill said he was shocked to hear the “concussive” sound that it produced and it scared him, Johnson wrote in the affidavit. He told federal officers he didn’t intend to hurt anyone.

As seen in the photo below, the review was submitted by “grammaf”.

On a happier note, Gramma F could find some solace in the knowledge that if found guilty, her little angel is sure to either make the boxing team or the dance team.