The Mathematical Formula for a Woman’s Perfect Derrière

Jessica Alba in the film “Into The Blue”.

Probably taking a break from shoving Marxism into the malliable minds of young and impressionable Millenials, academia has figured out a way to jackup mom and dad’s tuition on something equally as worthless as a degree in Womyn’s Studies.

Well, maybe these might be something redeemable in the latest from the Land of Ivory Towers.

Specifically, two different researchers at opposite points of the globe have discovered what they believe to be two different mathematical formulae for defining the perfect feminine back acreage.

According to The Standard of London, New Zealand anthropologist Barnaby Dixon, he claims to have quite the simple equation;

Small, big, pert, pear-shaped – bottoms come in all shapes and sizes. You might have hoped that they’re all considered equally beautiful, but scientists believe they have found a precise formula for the perfect behind.
But it’s not a specific dress size – it’s all about the ratio of your hips to your waist, apparently.

This mathematical formula – where the waist measurement is divided by the hip measurement – provides a magic number, denoting the ‘perfect’ female bottom.

After scanning hundreds of images – someone has to do it – and taking minute measurements, researchers found this magic number to be a ratio of 0.7.

This matches the body measurements for iconic Hollywood stars of old such as Sophia Loren and Marilyn Monroe.

Marilyn sings “Happy Birthday” to JFK in 1962.

However, on the other side of the planet, Britain’s Manchester Evening News noted that psychologist Dr David Holmes, who also doubles as a lecturer at the Manchester Metropolitan University, has formulated a mathematical statement that “helps determine the perfect posterior”;

He uses his expert analysis to give a woman’s bottom points for five different attributes: shape (S), circularity or roundness (C), bounciness or wobble (B), firmness (F) and skin texture (T).

For example, in the case of a shape, a square bottom would score one point. But if it resembles a pair of grapefruits, the score would a maximum four. There is also a sixth variable which is the ratio of the hips to the waist (V). Finally, all the numbers are put together in the formula (S+C) x (B + F)/(T – V) to produce a number which might be regarded as the bottom line.

A perfect rear end, of the kind sported by Jennifer Lopez or Kylie Minogue, will have a score of 80 points.

Dr Holmes said: “Slender thighs and a hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7 will frame the perfect bum, well perfectly.