The myth of the Metrosexual Jesus


In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m one of those Latin Mass-only renegades that Father Too-hip and Sister Mary Polyester warned you about.

With that said, I must ask: When did Jesus become such a wimp?

Allow me to go a bit further, when did Christianity become so wimpy? When did The Savior become the world’s first great social worker?

jesus_blond31246138290And I don’t mean the artistic portraits of Christ as some kind of anorexic 16 year old, narrow shouldered little girl with a beard? That’s been going on way before Vatican II.

No, I’m referring to this theological Novocaine that pushes the agenda of Jesus being a cross between The Dude from The Big Lebowski, and some soft-spoken and equally smelly hipster with a butterfly tattoo on His ankle.

As reporter Roger Moore of the McClatchy-Tribune News Service (via The Columbus Dispatch) on Feb. 28, 2014, gives his take on the actor’s portrayal of Christ in the soon-to-be-released film Son of God:

Jesus suggests little of the charisma of this first ‘fisher of men,’ he offers a pleasantly retro ‘hippies will inherit the Earth’ take…

Unfortunately, too many Christians have been lead to believe that Jesus never raised His voice nor ever said anything that could be understood as insulting.

As we all know, Jesus was all about feeeeeeelings. Wasn’t He?

Well, no.

More than a few times Sacred Writ gives examples of Jesus not only calling ’em like He saw ’em, but in the parlance of my Appalachia friends, “thems fightin’ words.”

Lk 11: 39-40 – Jesus refers to the Pharisees as ‘fools’. Going to the Latin Vulgate Bible, the word “fools” is “stulti“, and stulti can translate into either fools or morons, depending upon the context in which it was said. Either way, fool or moron is fairly insulting.

Mt 26: 24 – “The Son of man indeed goeth, as it is written of him: but woe to that man by whom the Son of man shall be betrayed: it were better for him, if that man had not been born”. OK, Jesus could have simply said to Judas “betraying Me isn’t exactly a good thing,” but Jesus went as far as to say that it would have been better if Judas wasn’t even born. Imagine if someone said that to you. I’d take that as an insult… wouldn’t you?

In both of the Gospels of Saints Matthew and Mark, Jesus refers to St. Peter as “Satan”. Christ could have easily said to St. Peter to just knock it off… but instead, He referred to St. Peter as the epitome of evil. Pretty darn harsh if you ask me. Insulting, even?

In The Gospels of Saints Matthew, Mark and Luke, we have Jesus saying “And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off even the dust of your feet, for a testimony against them.

Keep in context the Jewish (and Middle Eastern) outlook when referring to someone being on the same level as your feet. And if placing the unbeliever at the same level as your feet wasn’t harsh enough, Jesus goes one step further with the exhortation to “shake the DUST of where they live off your feet.”

Mt 7: 6 – “…neither cast ye your pearls before swine”. Again, remember what the Jewish attitude was (and still is) towards pigs. Describing someone who willingly disregards the truth about Jesus as a pig? I believe that would qualify as an insult to the Nth degree.

No doubt, to get someone’s attention ASAP, Jesus wouldn’t hesitate to give a good, solid verbal punch in the nose every now and then.

The unforgivable sin …

Don’t buy into the lie of no matter what you do, all is forgiven.

Mt 12: 31-32 – “Therefore I say to you: Every sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven men, but the blasphemy of the Spirit shall not be forgiven. And whosoever shall speak a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but he that shall speak against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, nor in the world to come.

Something else to consider – Jesus never forgave carte blanche. Those who knowingly, willingly, and intelligently sinned were only forgiven after they admitted their fault and sought forgiveness.

The Hands-On Messiah …


Forget about the myth of Christ not believing in actual, physical, painful punishment. I’m quite sure we all are familiar with how Jesus cleared the temple.

Don’t forget about those that harm children. Something about a rope, millstone and the ocean.

Certain folks sure do have a lot of esplainin’ to do.