(VIDEO) America’s Newest Spy Organization Now Hiring; Expected Size of ‘Contact Tracer’ Army between 100K -300K

Every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you…

Are you one of the tens of millions who’s lost their job due to never-ending government quarantine orders?

Good news! After watching six-hours worth of videos from Johns Hopkins University, you’re qualified for the final exam. This may be unfair of me, but I’ll bet that test will be abought as tough as passing the placement exam for the University of Phoenix.

But there’s better news! According to NPR, “In all, 44 states and the District of Columbia now have plans to expand their contact tracing workforce…”

But, wait. There’s more! Know how much you can make by legally spying on your family, friends, and neighbors? Upwards of $65,000 per year as reported by CBS News. The Tiffany Network also cites that between 100,000 and 300,000 people will be hired nationwide as “contact tracers.”

If you’re worried that the free, six-hour course might be a bit too intellectually challenging for you, don’t sweat it. The decidedly leftie-leaning Wired.com reporter Megan Molenti cites (emphasis mine);

The free six-hour course, which teaches a mix of virology, epidemiology, medical ethics, privacy, and interview techniques, opened for registration on the online educational platform Coursera. Though it’s geared toward people with ambitions of joining the ranks of tracers, it’s open to anyone.

So that’s why on Monday morning, I AeroPressed an extra cup of coffee, turned off my Slack notifications, and settled into a sunlit corner of my couch, ready to take notes on how to catch a coronavirus killer.

Color me impressed. Who knew that virology, epidemiology, medical ethics, privacy, and interview techniques could be boiled down to a free, six-hour online course?

Also, is it just me, or does the line about catching a “coronavirus killer” sound just a tad bit de-humanizing?

If you think I’m just making all this up, here’s the skinny straight from an official Johns Hopkins University website;

A new Coursera class developed by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health is now available to train contact tracers on the principles of the public health strategy many consider critical for slowing the spread of COVID-19.

The free six-hour course is open to anyone, but taking and passing it will be a requirement for thousands of contact tracers being hired by the state of New York to fight the pandemic. Within hours of its release Monday, more than 400 people had already registered for the class, according to Joshua Sharfstein, a vice dean at the Bloomberg School.