I just can’t help but wonder how many liberal heads will explode when they catch wind of the Seekins Precision 1776 AR-Flintlock.
Of course, that would only apply if the AR-Flintlock was a real thing. I’ll be upfront and honest, it took me a while to realize that Jordan Michaels of Guns America Digest published this piece on April 1st.
Before I realized the true nature of the article, I had two initial impressions;
If this is real, I love it.
If this is satire, I love it.
With that aside, here’s just some of this truly awesome article (emphasis mine);
Ready for purchase, the AR-Melee Axe.
There’s nothing more American than the AR-15—nothing, that is, except the Seekins Precision 1776 AR-Flintlock.
A mashup of modern technology and the technology that sent the Red Coats packing 245 years ago, the rifle maker designed their new firearm to be the star at your next July 4th bar-be-que and range day.
“Like apple hotdog pie or cowboy baseball, the AR-Flintlock brings together two quintessentially American things in perfect harmony. If you don’t like this, you’re probably a Communist,” a Seekins spokesperson told GunsAmerica in an exclusive interview.
The AR-Flintlock ditches the AR-15’s semi-automatic reciprocating bolt for a good-ol-fashioned flintlock and flash pan that would be the envy of every colonial barracks. In never-before-seen promotional photos obtained by GunsAmerica, Seekins engineers appear to have kept all other features of the AR-15 intact.
“It’s too bad George Washington didn’t have this technology when he was kicking British ass up and down the east coast,” the Seekins spokesperson told us. “The war would have been over in a month. A semi-automatic flint lock? C’mon. King George would have crapped his pants.”
Another real thing, the AR-Chainsaw attachment.
Since it keeps the rail and handguard of the standard AR-15 design, the AR-Flintlock can be outfitted with optics, lasers, and lights that attach to a picatinny rail or M-Lok slots. But for those who want their rifle to be truly authentic, Seekins has developed a lantern holder that can be attached to the rifle’s handguard.
“When colonial troops were room-clearing at night, how do you think they could see? Tactical lanterns,” the Seekins spokesperson pointed out. “Most people don’t know this, but they actually affixed specially designed lanterns on the end of their rifles to make sure they were taking down British spies and not Mrs. Washington.”
Without coming out and saying that monkeypox is the next boutique sickness that overwhelmingly is contracted by those who consider the smell of feces to be an aphrodisiac, government officials on both side of the Atlantic are warning just that.
First, we have the CNBC with quite the telling headline;
CDC officials sound alarm for gay and bisexual men as monkeypox spreads in community
From the specific article, as reported by Spencer Tindall (emphasis mine);
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on Monday alerted gay and bisexual men that monkeypox appears to be spreading in the community globally, warning people to take precautions if they have been in close contact with someone who may have the virus and to be on the lookout for symptoms.
Dr. John Brooks, a CDC official, emphasized that anyone can contract monkeypox through close personal contact regardless of sexual orientation. However, Brooks said many of the people affected globally so far are men who identify as gay or bisexual. Though some groups have greater chance of exposure to monkeypox right now, the risk isn’t limited only to the gay and bisexual community, he cautioned.
“We want to help people make the best informed decisions to protect their health and the health of their community from monkeypox,” Brooks said.
Eleven more people in England have been diagnosed with monkeypox, bringing the cumulative number of UK cases to 207.
Announcing the new patients today, the UK Health Security Agency (UKHSA) reiterated that most cases have been in gay and bisexual men.
Officials said it was ‘particularly important’ these men are aware of new lesions, rashes or scabs and get in contact with a sexual health clinic.
Scientists are still unsure what is driving the current outbreak, now spotted in two dozen countries, given the virus is normally confined to people returning from Africa.
In a report published last night, the UKHSA revealed the UK’s cluster of cases are linked to gay bars, saunas and dating apps.
More than 60 per cent of domestic infections have been among gay and bisexual men, with more than 86 per cent based in the epicentre London. Only two cases have been women.
